The wedding planning process is set up to kill being in love. It is a process almost guaranteed to pit you as adversaries against one another, against each other's families. It's all done in the name of the big uniting that will happen at the end of the process. It doesn't have to be that way. You can make different choices. But you have to be clear about some things.

• You don't need every product the wedding industry says you do. You need the things you want and that reflect your values
• You don't need to do things the way wedding magazines say you must. You need to do things in a way that makes sense for the two of you.
• This is not only the bride's special day, this is the day that will usher the two of you into marriage before your dearest family and friends.

And while you're sorting that out, here's something else to work on. Something fun to work on! Remember how everyone talks about falling in love. I want to suggest that there wasn't so much falling as there was a slow and deliberate removing of the obstacles to love. Infatuation? That's speedy. But love blossoms and needs to move the detritus of our former broken hearts and failed relationships out of the way. And it does!
But this is something to keep current. Every day, especially if there's planning to be done:

• Look at your beloved and name three reasons why you're happy to be loving him or her. Keep changing the list. Let those reasons grow and recycle and transform in your heart.
• Look at your beloved and understand what her or his strengths are. Who is going be better at picking bands or flowers? Which jobs need both sets of hands?
• Look at your beloved and remember that no one owes you a huge wedding. What you create for your wedding needs to be created by the two of you. Then it will have meaning. Then your community will understand. Then both of you will be eager to participate.
• Work early and often on your wedding ceremony and your wedding vows. This will keep you focused on why all this matters and keep you eager to make the whole experience wonderful for the two of you, your families and your community.
• When you look at your beloved and realize how in love you are, let that love carry you into areas outside your comfort zone. Do things that matter to your beloved. It's so important that this is not a one-sided movement!

Practice the joy of being in love. Every day. You've engaged to the most wonderful person in the world. If that's not a reason to stop griping, and start planning the wedding a marriage of your dreams, I don't know what is!